There is no such thing as Justified Resentment

We all know at least one person that loves to complain. And if you don’t, that person is probably you. It’s not hard to find a multitude of reasons to be upset or offended. I mean, after all, the world is absolutely full of hate and the only way to survive is to protect yourself from all the terrible people. Well, that’s what I used to believe anyway.

As a little girl, I was taught that a girls body was nothing more than an object for men to do with as they pleased. As a young woman, that thought was confirmed as I suffered the same fate by a man who vowed to love me until death do us part. Only, to find myself in yet another relationship that ended with wounding words and bruises that faded but left scars on my soul.

There comes a moment in life when you know there’s more to this life.

More than the pain. More than the anger. 

And unless YOU make a change, your future is one that is filled with more pain and more anger.  But now you’re adding regret and resentment because the pain you feel now, will only harden and you’ll feel worse then you did before.

My moment came one night as I lay on the floor, gasping for breath as my throat had just been released from the hands of a man I loved, moments before the room went black. I uttered the words, ” I can’t do this anymore.” While he stood over me I could see in his eyes there was not one ounce of regret. Then he spoke, “Oh yeah, where the hell are you gonna go? Nobody will ever want you? You’re too stupid.”

He took my pain, the darkness that I have confided, my insecurities and he used them against me.

I decided that very moment that I would no longer leave the fate of my happiness in the hands of someone else. If I was going to be happy, I was going to rely on myself, for the very first time. Change will never happen when people lack the ability and courage to see themselves for who they really are.- Bryant McGill1

If I wanted a different life, I couldn’t expect other people to change. It was up to me to take control of my own life, of my emotions, of myself.

Why do we give people so much control over our lives? That goes for anything. Your boss is a jerk, now your day is ruined, someone at a red light bumped your car, now your day is ruined. You kid had another fit about the blue cup vs. the red cup, now your day is ruined.

When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control how you respond. That’s where the power is.

The Challenge

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This week I challenge you to make a list of all the people who have hurt you. Then, I want you to write a letter to YOURSELF. In the letter, I want you to acknowledge each person and the pain they have caused you, how they have affected your life and how they have molded you. Then, I want you to forgive them.

Change will never happen when people lack the ability and courage to see themselves for who they really are.- Bryant McGill1-1

After you have made it down your entire list and forgiven each and every one of them, I want you to forgive yourself. The moments that molded you are in the past. The people who hurt you are in the past. The person writing the letter is saying goodbye to the past, in order to create a bright, new future filled with hope, love, and possibilities.

The Burning Ritual

After you have written the letter, I want you to find a time when you’ll have complete privacy. This is a moment for you to heal. Find a safe place, a fireplace, BBQ grill, whatever works best for you to light a fire. This is the moment you’re going to TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE!!!!

As you read this letter, I want you to use your senses. I want you to visualize being in the presence of whom you’re speaking. I want you to feel the emotions. Words are meaningless without emotion behind them. When you take back your life, I want you to close your eyes. I want you to imagine that the people and the feelings they caused are floating away like ashes in the wind. Take a deep breath in. The air is cleaner, crisper, lighter. Open your eyes and throw the letter and the list of names in the fire. Congratulations! Welcome to day 1 of your journey to Self-Discovery

Now, I love to write (obviously) but I can’t even put into words what that experience was like for me

Today I decided to forgive you. Not because you apologized, or because you acknowledged the pain that you caused, but because my soul deserves peace.

As always, if any of this resonated with you, please feel free to share your favorite moment, quote or burning ritual experience.

Catrina

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